Dealing with a Loss, Part 4

 

“Our life is shaped by our mind; we become what we think.”   (The Buddha, The Dhammapada, Chapter 1, first sentence)

The subject matter for this post is not what I had originally planned.  However, many people I know have recently expressed how very disturbed and distraught they are about the changes that have taken place in the U.S. federal government recently.  They are frightened, anxious, on edge, and having great difficulty being able to think about anything else.  It is as though some heavy weight is hanging over them at all times and coloring almost every moment of their lives.  Having to deal first with the election results, and then with the actual change in leadership, has certainly been a big part of my practice for maintaining equilibrium and not falling into despair.

Several days ago, I had something bubble up during a meditation that felt like a door opening. The thought arose that if I look at things totally from the standpoint of my personal day-to-day experience of life, nothing whatsoever has changed since the newly elected government officials came to power forty days ago.

I still live in the same house, have plenty of good quality food, I haven’t lost any money and my income has not decreased, I have the same friends and family, the same meaningful work to do, my health has not changed for the worse.  In terms of my own personal experience, life is going on exactly the same way as before.  This seems to be true, not just of me, but of almost all of the people I know who have gone into a dramatic tailspin emotionally in recent days. Even if you are a homeless person, your day to-day experience on the street has not changed:  you still need to find warmth at night, a place to go to the bathroom, find food and water, and avoid harassment.

Yes, it is true that a number of federal employees have been fired.  But for most of the rest of us (for almost everyone I know), the ONLY thing that actually has changed is what is present in our minds: our thoughts, projections of possible future events, some horror stories, lots of “what ifs,” thoughts of “this is terrible” and “what can we possibly do about any of this?” “It’s all overwhelming,” and “We are going to end up like Nazi Germany.”  But without all these thoughts, and the weight that we assign to them, most of us would be at peace and able to enjoy life again.  Our life truly is shaped by the mind.

So what do we do?  We can each be a watchful gatekeeper of what we allow into our consciousness and into our lives.  This does not mean that we hide our heads in the sand, pretend that nothing is going on and do nothing. If there is something we can do that might help to push things in a better direction (and protect ourselves at the personal level), then we need to do it—both because it might help to change the situation and because it will help us to feel better.  Beyond that, we can be alert gatekeepers of our minds.  That’s a general principle.  What does being a gatekeeper actually look like in practice?

Here are some things we can do to become better gatekeepers.   We can observe our mental stories about what is going on, and recognize that they are just stories and not facts.  My mind may be running the story that we are doomed to having a totalitarian dictatorship, but this is only one of many possible stories about the future.  I can see it for what it really is and thus loosen its grip on me.

Much of our suffering comes from having our mind in the future.  Ask yourself “Is there anything wrong in the moment I am in right now?”  Am I in pain?  No.  Am I in danger?  No.  Do I have sufficient food and shelter and meaningful personal relationships and work to do?  Yes. When I stay in the present moment, there is much less suffering.

Practicing saying silently to myself all the various things I have to be grateful for in this moment is also a very useful practice.  Additionally, I can practice reminding myself that there is a lot of stuff going on in the world today, both near and far, that is not part of the ongoing drama in Washington DC. 

We need to stop complaining. Complaining just fuels the negative mental stories and drama and keeps the whole mental mess going.  I need to put all the enormous energy that is put into complaining into doing something to improve things and also into self-care--eating well, meditating, positive relationships, time in nature…    And part of this also involves reining in other people who complain in my presence, pointing out the futility of complaining and steering the conversation is a more positive direction.  With some people I may need to limit my exposure to them or even stop seeing them altogether for a while, and begin actively seeking out companionship with people who have a more positive attitude.  In Buddhism, this has elements of both what is called Mindful Ingestion and also Right Association.

When we complain, we are mentally resisting the reality of this moment.  We can say that “it shouldn’t be like this,” but the truth is that it IS like this.  If I can accept it as if I had wished for it, I will be in a much better frame of mind to respond to the situation constructively.

We can also acknowledge negative thoughts when they arise, saying silently to ourselves “Hello negative thoughts, I know that you are there,” smile to the negative thoughts, and then shift our thought stream to what we have to be grateful for and what brings us joy.  When the Dalai Lama was asked how he could be at peace after all the carnage the Chinese had brought to Tibet, he replied “They have taken so much from us; shall I give them my peace of mind, too?” Being agitated just makes us less effective and less happy,

Mindful ingestion includes noticing the words and images that we take into our consciousness, and how they impact our wellbeing. We can take in only enough news to discover ways we can take action and then notice when it is starting to pull you into a negative spiral and back off.  I have found this to be an enormously helpful practice.

Keeping the moral high ground is important, too. I’ve seen a good deal of ridiculing and personal insults launched against “the bad guys” in the new government. But they and their supporters are going to be around long term and we need to not contribute to division and make eventual peace harder.  It is useful here to think of the US Civil War and the need to heal things after the conflict deescalated.  Making a nasty personal crack about the people we disagree with might feel good for a minute, but it stokes hostility and unkindness in ourselves and in the world.  Demonizing those we disagree with makes it harder to see them as people who are fundamentally just like us:  they want to be safe, the want to love and be loved, they want meaning in their lives, and they don’t want to suffer.

Staying grounded, present, and at peace is our work here, and things are likely to remain in a difficult state for an extended period of time before we see positive change.  Cultivating patience is going to be crucially important.  We can also have faith that Martin Luther King was right when he said “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”        

 

Note:   My intention is to add new posts to the blog approximately every 2 to 3 weeks. If you would like to receive an e-mail notification each time a new blog post is made, please let me know and I will add you to the list of recipients. This notification will also include the title of the new post.  Some of the material that appears in this blog is copyrighted, but in keeping with the Buddha’s teaching that the dharma is not to be sold, the contents of this blog may be freely copied and given away, but not sold. 

            If you have questions, comments, or ideas for new Blog topics please contact Dale at ahimsaacres@gmail.com.