"Keeping Busy"

 

 

Most people are uncomfortable with doing nothing (or even a silence in a conversation).  Doing a three-day meditation retreat with “nothing to do” strikes many people as terrifying.  When we “have nothing to do” we feel antsy and cast about for something to occupy us: have something to eat, call a friend and go out, work on a project, go for a hike, take a trip…  we tend to see this as quite natural and believe that doing nothing is “wasting time.” The society we live in praises us for “living an active life.”  When we pass a friend at work who asks “How are you doing?” we may say “Oh, keeping busy.”  And, in fact, we actually are almost always “keeping busy.” Why do we do this?  Is there any harm in it?   

There is nothing necessarily wrong with any of the activities we keep constantly busy with unless…  Unless we use these activities as a way of distracting ourselves—as a way of avoiding awareness of important things that we need to know about and deal with.  If the engine in my car has been making some peculiar sounds lately, and I respond by turning up the volume on the car radio, I am distracting myself—blunting my awareness of—something that needs my attention.  We do this quite frequently.  Feeling depressed or bored?  I’ll have a piece of cake.  Feeling antsy and nervous?  I’ll go see a movie.  Feeling anxious?  I’ll drink a few beers.

I call this behavior “reaching for something.”  It is reaching for something—anything—so that I don’t have to feel or experience what I am feeling or experiencing in this moment.  Reaching for something that will make my discomfort with the present moment go away.  It could be a cigarette, a video game, or a ride in the car.  It is the same dynamic as reaching for a drug, and can be addicting in just the same way except it is more socially acceptable.

The process looks like this.  First, I am feeling more or less ok.  Second, at some point some sort of triggering event occurs: a memory, a thought, someone does or says something, an event happens.  Maybe someone asks me to volunteer for some social cause.  I start to feel some fear and anxiety about it, and I am having some harsh judgmental thoughts about myself arise.

Third, because I’m experiencing or feeling something that I don’t want to experience—fear, anger, sadness, grief, shame—I reach for something to make what I am experiencing go away—or at least tamp it down some.  So maybe when I get home, I reach for some candy and eat a dozen chocolates or throw myself into working on projects.  This is the underlying process, and it is the same no matter what the triggering event is and no matter what the “drug of choice” is.

Distracting ourselves in this way may sound fairly harmless and we may say, “But if I feel better as a result of reaching for something to alter my experience.  What is the harm done?”  But the relief we get from distracting ourselves is very temporary and very superficial.  And there are actually real harms that are caused by madly rushing along in life in a constant state of distraction.  Let’s take a look.

When we speed through life at a hundred miles an hour, going immediately from one activity or kind of stimulation to another, we miss a lot of what is going on—both things outside of us and inside of us as well. Consider car travel.  When we are traveling down the highway at 60 miles an hour we miss a lot of what is there.  When we slow down to 30, we see a lot that we missed before.  When we walk, we see even more that we have missed.  What applies to traveling also applies to the speed at which we live, think, and feel—a speed that is increased by our constantly stimulating ourselves with more and more activities.

So when this hyperactive mind state is present and we are with other people, we are likely not to notice things:  their body language, the emotion behind what they are saying, and their thought train.  And we also miss a lot of what is going on inside us as well: sensations in our bodies, our emotions, our thought process, the fact that we are often lost in past or future, or in our personal agenda. 

When in this mind state, we also miss the benefits that come from stillness.  When we actually get quiet and still, we create a space in which things can bubble up in our awareness. I get more in touch with my feelings and have the opportunity to open to experiencing them fully.  In doing so, I make friends with them and I am no longer uncomfortable when they are present in me.

In addition, when I am in a state of stillness, I can begin to see clearly what is underneath my uncomfortable feelings.  I am able to see and then work through whatever life issues lie underneath my fear, anxiety, agitation, or sadness.  When I am depressed, there is likely a reason for it—perhaps my job is tedious and without meaning, or my relationships with friends lack depth and meaning.

When we are not in touch with our own experience and life-issues, we are likely to find ourselves agreeing with or accepting what is considered a “normal” life as defined by our society.  This is often a life of tedious and unfulfilling work that beats us up physically and psychologically.  It is a life of shallow and unsatisfying or even toxic personal relationships.  It is a life of hopelessness, resignation, and “settling” for things that are empty of any real meaning.  This is what Henry David Thoreau was talking about when he said “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”  And of course the worse we feel, the less we want to know about what is going on or what we truly feel, and the more we crave some distraction to take the edge off. 

Not being in touch with my own experience and feelings results in my living an alienated, numbed out life that is full of repressed internal conflicts and suffering.  When this alienation and anxiety is “dealt with” by simply applying even more drugs, activities, and other distractions, the cycle simply continues—often for an entire lifetime. 

Yet another benefit of getting quiet was one I discovered in my first year of college.  I discovered that when I had been exposed to new learning—through study or class lecture/discussion or a flash of personal insight—rather than rushing off to some new activity…  If I went to someplace quiet and just sat or lay down on the grass for ten or 20 minutes, the learning penetrated me much more deeply, unconscious connections were made with other ideas, and I retained much more of what I learned.  All from “doing nothing!”

There are many practices we can make use of to correct our habit of careening through life bouncing from one (sometimes obsessive) activity to another. All of these practices begin with noticing—catching myself—in the act of reaching for ever more stimulation to avoid awareness.  Once I have caught myself feeling antsy or uncomfortable and having the impulse to reach for something, I can ask myself a very useful question:  “What is it that I am afraid to feel, experience, or be aware of in this moment?”  This is a good question to sit with for a while.  If we are patient, the answer will put us in touch with our deepest personal issues.  This is the crucial first step toward profoundly changing ourselves and breaking old dysfunctional patterns.

There are many ways of giving ourselves the mental and emotional space to begin to look at what is going on under the surface.  Meditation is one way.  But it can also be walking quietly by yourself in the woods, a park, at the beach, or just sitting quietly alone in your backyard.  It is important not to “add things” to the experience to “make it more interesting” such as music, talking, focused problem solving, planning, daydreaming or some other form of entertainment—this is simply more distraction from being alone with ourselves.  It is also important not to try to “make something happen” when we are being quiet.  We are simply resting in a very quiet, receptive, and observant state—a state of relaxed curiosity, simply observing the thoughts and feelings arise without trying to make something happen. 

And, yes, tension and anxiety and fear may arise, but we can open to them and recognize them as important messengers from deep inside us.  We may find that we hate our job, or that we are afraid that we will not get a promotion, or that we are getting older and in need of more help. This is called working at the level of your obstruction.  It is getting in touch with your feelings and just feeling them without judgment.  Writing down what you are feeling—journaling—can be a very good way of bringing up further feelings and realizations about what is going on inside you.

Often in life we feel trapped in situations with no way out because we are too busy to reflect on things, see where we are obviously unhappy, and discover new perspectives on how to bring about change.  And doing nothing and getting quiet is not the same as wallowing in your sadness, depression, unhappiness, or problems. Stillness is our natural state.  Thinking and acting are important when there is value to them beyond distraction, and the thinking and action are actually needed.

We need to develop an attitude of vigilance, because the list of things we can distract ourselves with in virtually endless:  excessive working, taking trips, endless social engagements, home or other projects, movies, concerts, shopping, collecting things, internet surfing, computer games, following a sports team, reading, obsessive house cleaning, eating, drinking and taking drugs, etc.  The mind will propose a hundred things to distract ourselves, but we do not have to fall for its tricks. 

 This is where vigilance comes in.  We need to be vigilant and notice when we have become antsy and uncomfortable and the mind is casting about for some new activity to blunt our awareness of our current experience.  Then we investigate what is underneath our discomfort and deal with the deeper issue.  We always have this choice.                  

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Note.  For a more complete treatment of this issue, see The Wisdom of the Buddha:  Using Mindfulness to Change Your Life, Chapter 11  “Drugs and Other Distractions and Addictions that Cripple Us.” This chapter is available electronically upon request by email at ahimsaacres@gmail.com.

 

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            If you have questions, comments, or ideas for new Blog topics please contact Dale at ahimsaacres@gmail.com.