Dealing with a Loss, Part 3

 

 

                Sometimes we get so caught up in world events or large issues in our personal life that we forget the importance of small things that are right in front of us.  Attending to these small things can help us be at peace and also contribute something significant to the world outside ourselves. 

“Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. But I try to work one day at a time. If we just worry about the big picture, we are powerless. So my secret is to start right away doing whatever little work I can do. I try to give joy to one person in the morning, and remove the suffering of one person in the afternoon. That’s enough…. When you see you can do that, you continue, and you give [more]… Start right now.” ― Sister Chan Khong, Thich Nhat Hahn Foundation

There are many examples of things I have done, and also times when I was on the receiving end of, small but meaningful acts.  I can remember many such acts:  Making eye contact and acknowledging the shared humanity of a homeless person on the street;  a neighbor stepping up to volunteer to mow the grass in our firebreak when I was recovering from a surgery; a college student that I did not know looking straight at me and smiling as I walked across campus to teach a class; my high school English teacher volunteering to allow me to give a required oral report to her in a storage room because I was too shy to give it in class; a high school senior and  teammate coaching me as a sophomore and raising me to a level of athletic accomplishment that gave me a reason for putting up with the tedious routines and social falseness of high school.  These are just a few examples—it’s a very long list!

I found the following touching story in a book I was reading recently.  After the black civil rights activist Medgar Evers was murdered in 1963, and right after the funeral service, his wife Myrlie asked the funeral director to give her some time to sit alone with the body.  After sitting for a while, she “…realized that she wasn’t alone; a white Life magazine photographer had lingered.  When she glared at him, she realized that his eyes were filled with tears.  And in that moment, she said, the hatred that Medgar’s murder left her feeling at the sight of white skin vanished, never to return.”    (Medgar and Myrlie:  Medgar Evers and the Love Story that Awakened America, by Joy-Ann Reid.)

                Because the photographer allowed himself to openly express the genuine sorrow he was feeling, he had a profound and lasting effect on another suffering human being that he probably never knew about.

Thich Nhat Hanh said:  

“Sometimes something wrong is going on in the world, and we think it is the other people who are doing it, and that we are not doing it. But you are part of the wrongdoing by the way you live your life.” (https://plumvillage.org/about/thich-nhat-hanh/key-teachings)   

How is it that we become a part of this wrong doing?   We do it by demonizing those who we disagree with us, by engaging in “us and them” thinking, by not seeing the humanity in those who differ from us, by attributing the actions of others to their being evil rather than their own ignorance and pain; and by not being at peace within ourselves before engaging others.  We do it by reserving our caring only for those who are like we are, by endless complaining instead of looking for what we can do, and by neglecting to look for what is good in others.         

We also do it by over-consuming, by wastefulness, by supporting with our dollars businesses that don’t treat their employees well or are harming the environment, by our choice of paid employment, by our choice of recreational activities, and by our choice not to do volunteer work through an organization or on our own. 

Here is the good news.  These are all things that we can change without having to convince other people, pass new laws, or change the government.   Gandhi said “Your life is your message” and, we might add, your life is also your contribution, for better or worse, to the shape of the world.

The Buddha taught that everything is interrelated.  All of our responses to life, including our despair and hopelessness, have an effect on everything and everyone around us. Our positive attitude and actions make it easier for others to manifest the same qualities.  And conversely, our despair and giving up promote despair and giving up in others. 

Like it or not, all of our actions make a difference.  The only question is:  what kind of a difference will we be making?  Will we be adding our energy toward positive change and being part of the solution, or will we act harmfully or indifferently and become part of the problem?  We always have that choice, and it always makes a difference. 

 

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            If you have questions, comments, or ideas for new Blog topics please contact Dale at ahimsaacres@gmail.com.